Wintering

Wintering: What Katherine Mays Book Can Teach Us About Healing and Self Care

 

There are times in life when everything seems to slow down.

 

We may feel tired, lost, overwhelmed disconnected or unsure of what comes next. Or perhaps we are moving through grief, a relationship ending, burnout, illness, change or simply a period when life feels harder than usual.

 

In these moments, we can easily believe that something is wrong with us.

 

Katherine Mays book Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times asks us to consider a different way of understanding these experiences. She describes the difficult periods of life as "wintering" natural season of retreat, rest and reflection that we all experience.

 

I have a real love for this book. I find the book both inspiring and deeply meaningful, particularly in the way she invites us to see difficult periods not as something that has gone wrong but as a natural part of being human and something to not feel guilty for. Her reflections have stayed with me, both personally and in my work as a therapist.

 

This idea has a powerful connection to therapy and emotional wellbeing.

 

We all have seasons. Nature does not remain in one season indefinitely.

 

Summer gives way to autumn. Leaves fall. The landscape becomes quieter. Winter arrives, bringing darkness, stillness and a period of dormancy. Eventually, spring comes again.

 

Our emotional lives can work in much the same way.

 

There are seasons when we feel motivated, productive and connected. There are also seasons when we need to slow down, withdraw, process and recover.

 

Yet we often expect ourselves to function as though it is always summer. [And the pressure of what we are told summer should hold]

 

We tell ourselves to keep going, stay positive, be productive and get back to normal. We may judge ourselves when we dont feel like ourselves.

 

But perhaps winter is not something we need to overcome. Instead, maybe it is something we need to move through.

 

Therapy gives us space to process in a similar way.

 

As a therapist, I often see how difficult it can be for people to simply allow themselves to experience what they are feeling. We become very good at carrying on and "getting on with it".

 

We distract ourselves, with over commitments or doom scrolling. We stay busy, working and filling up the calender. We care for everyone else. We push difficult feelings aside because we do not have the time or space to deal with them.

 

However emotions that are not processed don't necessarily disappear, so it might feel like its never enough.

 

Therapy can offer a different kind of space somewhere we can slow down and begin to understand what is happening beneath the surface.

 

Rather than asking "How can I get rid of this feeling?" therapy can help us ask: "What is this feeling trying to tell me? Whats going on?"

 

That shift can be significant.

 

When we allow ourselves to acknowledge and process our experiences. we can begin to understand our needs, recognise our patterns and develop healthier ways of responding.

 

I like the idea of wintering inviting us to reconsider self care.

 

Self care is often presented as something we should do: exercise, eat well, take a bath, practise mindfulness, go for a walk, light a candle.

 

These things can all be valuable but for me it never really hits the spot. Sometimes genuine self care is about doing less.

 

It might mean resting when we are tired or saying no when our capacity is low. Allowing ourselves to grieve. Giving ourselves permission to ask for support and to not have all the answers.

 

There is a difference between withdrawing from life because we are avoiding something and intentionally creating space to recover and reconnect with ourselves. Therapy can help us understand that difference.

 

For me, one of the most valuable lessons in Wintering is the invitation to trust the wisdom of our own nature.We are part of nature and to trust ourself.

 

A tree does not consider itself unsuccessful because it has lost its leaves. It does not try to force them back onto its branches.

 

It follows its season.

 

We can learn something from this.

 

Healing doesnt always happen because we find the perfect solution or follow the right set of instructions. Sometimes healing begins when we stop fighting our experience and start listening to ourselves.

 

This doesn't mean that we have to manage everything alone. Seeking therapy, professional support or connection with others can be an important part of healing.

 

But the therapist isn't the person who fixes us.

 

Therapy can provide the relationship, safety and space in which we can begin to hear ourselves more clearly.

 

Ultimately, we are active participants in our own healing.

 

Difficult seasons do pass. Winter is not forever.

 

This does not mean that every difficult experience has a simple ending or that everything happens for a reason. Some experiences leave lasting marks. Some seasons change us profoundly.

 

We can learn.We can adapt.We can develop greater self awareness and compassion.we can discover that we are more resilient than we realised.

 

Maybe is not rushing towards spring but to meet ourselves where we are and to trust that like nature has its own rhythms, we have an innate capacity to adapt and find our way through.

 

We do not have to force ourselves to bloom all year round.

 

Sometimes, we are allowed to winter.